Give us an N! Give us an O! Give us an R! Give us a Folk!
According to the Daily Beast, Norfolk is the second drunkest city in America, beating out all but Boston, where you have to be drunk in the winter or your internal organs freeze. (Some might say you also need to be drunk to find that accent sexy enough to go home with somebody speaking with it, but we digress. And we’re drunk. LEAVE US ALONE.)
image | ladyliberty.com
Here are the facts on Norfolk’s lushes, as cited by DB:
Avg. alcoholic drinks consumed by adults per month: 15.6
Percentage of population classified as binge drinkers: 20.1%
Percentage of population classified as heavy drinkers: 7.4%
These aren’t just random numbers carefully selected by Bozo the Intoxicated Monkey. The percentage of residents who are binge or heavy drinkers comes straight from the squares at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. So this ranking is legit. Start pimping it, Visit Norfolk–we’re best at something! Close enough!
Why are we such drunkies? Led by Alicia Luma, here’s what the AltDaily crew had to say.
1. We’re the northernmost big city in the south, so we have to drink a lot to balance our need for both moonshine and martinis.
2. There’s a 7-11 on every corner and each one has a seemingly endless supply of Thunderbird.
3. Festivals at Town Point Park – the final BAC for participants in said events raise the collective yearly average for the general population by .02%
4. O’Connor’s. El Guapo made us do it!
5. The overabundance of sexy tattoo’ed servers and bartenders in the city. Apparently bar managers around here accept applications via email, in person… but a link to the individual’s Suicide Girls page covers it all as well.
Give me more drinks, pretty tatto’ed Cogan’s lady. (pic | Charles Long)
6. The city water tastes like shit.
7. Unpredictable weather patterns.
8. Empire can night.
9. The Birch. The average ABV in anything they carry is like 14% and you’re drunk before you know it and pretzels only soak up but so much. However, Hubcap Grill has helped to mitigate that situation and so that will be less of a factor in next year’s ranking. We may drop to #3.
And most importantly…
10. RANDOM NAVY DUDES.