A week ago Hampton native Allen Iverson retired. Today he announced he was coming back to the NBA. How did he spend his golden years… err week?
“Stepping away from the game will allow me to spend quality time with my wife and kids,” he said at the time. “This is a reward that far exceeds anything that I’ve ever achieved on the basketball court.”
So much for his wife and kids. Today Iverson announced he was coming back to the NBA with a return to his original team, the Philadelphia 76ers. Which begs the question: how did Iverson spend his golden years… err week? Our crack team of reporters (mainly Jesse’s 110 class at ODU) tracked down every last clue and came up with some answers. Without further ado…
How Allen Iverson Spent His Retirement
2. Updated his Facebook status to ‘unemployed.’
3. Scrimmaged with the Bethel varsity team. Got his ass kicked.
4. Spent Saturday night at The Wave. Went to that back room and danced all crazy with the skinny gay boys. Was beloved. Ended up at Donut Dinette. Was confused for Prince by a drunk Navy dude. Ate too much. Was happy about the Prince thing, sad about all the food. Emotionally confused, he put on a hoodie and listened to some Beirut under the covers until he fell asleep.
5. Became a coal miner and got the black lung, pop.
6. Got so lazy his personal assistant (Reco) had to chew Iverson’s food and spit it into his mouth like he was a baby bird.
7. Took a drive to Langley. Asked to be an astronaut. Was turned down. Spent the rest of the day sad.
8. Dressed up like a dog and dog-fought Michael Vick (who was also, of course, dressed like a dog).
9. Made a baby with That’s So Raven.
10. Bowling, you know, like how he used to do in the old days.