A sailor’s girlfriend finds naked, sexy pictures… and they’re not just of women.
Dear Advice a Toi,
Dear Shocked and Awed,
If the Navy could get a nickel for every dick picture hoarded by an enlisted man, they’d have enough money to buy a rainbow-colored battleship.
But that’s kind of beside the point. I wouldn’t be too worried about this. Obviously the heterosexual porn is no issue. All men love porn, and the men who claim to not like porn just like amateur, first-person point-of-view girlfriend porn. And if he hid it so well you’re only just now finding it, he’s ahead in the game, by my book. At least he respects you enough to keep those candied asses out your sight and far from your idea of men’s feminine ideal.
On to the men of the hour: those little richard pictures. If you’re afraid your boyfriend is gay, worry no more. Being that it was his private stash, one would assume that if he were gay, it would be nothing but gay porn. I would just put it out of your head. Truth be told, men often have favorite male porn stars, “actors” who–let’s be honest here–regular guys watch ejaculate while they ejaculate themselves. Sometimes the dick stays in the picture, is all I’m saying.
The part that struck me really odd, though, is that these are close-ups. Why were these taken school-picture style? Were they shot in front of an awkward blue sky background? Do they have cow-licks?
OK, don’t freak out. If you really freak out, it’ll make the possibility of opening up a conversation about this with him that much more difficult. If you’re all up in arms, like “What the shit is this?!” he’ll be much less apt to explain to you how not a big deal this really is. More likely would be him countering with, “Well, what the F were you doing looking through my stuff?”
And yes, I do think you should talk to him about this. Because honestly, I think you kind of just need to for your own piece of mind. I don’t know about you, but if every time my man shuts his eyes during sex I wonder if he’s thinking about dick-pics, I’d lose it. And besides, I think only good would come of it. The results may be A) he admits to you that he’s bisexual and fantasizes about his ex-gfs and bfs, which you will or will not be cool with, and at least will know; or B) he admits to you that he has purely innocent bisexual fantasies that the two of you could figure out how to indulge in a way that doesn’t make you uncomfortable.
In my totally personal opinion, I think sexual orientation is not so much of an either-or kind of thing as it is a sliding scale, or a rainbow spectrum if you will. Yeah, we all know of the superhetero, exit-only dudes and the super-flaming, gags-at-the-sight-of-a-vagina gay boys. But as with religion, politics, and anything else, these extremes are the minority, but usually the most irritatingly vocal. Everyone else falls into a spectrum of sexuality in which, say, a guy can be 80 percent straight–will let a guy give him a bj, but only if his girlfriend’s watching; or a girl could be 100 percent straight, but only gets off to lesbian fantasies. Homoeroticism is not so uncommon of a fantasy I would guess than people tend to think. And like any other, a sexy (safe) fantasy will nearly always take an experience to a thrilling level.
I’m guessing your sailor boyfriend has kept these pics out of the picture because he is 24/7 surrounded by dudes who see themselves as the epitome of heterosexuality. I don’t know of any good Navy man admitting to his shipmates that he jerks off his little seaman looking at pictures of mens’ privates. So deal with this delicately.
Talk to him about your fantasies. Confide to him some of the really kinky ones even. And then ask him what he thinks about when he’s alone, what turns him on that he hasn’t been able to or might not ever indulge. If he does admit that penises have turned him in some way that you find non-threatening, work it into your dirty talk some time and go from there.
If he doesn’t mention it, then you might have to deal with the possibility of him being bi, and the possibility that the machismo in him will never admit it to you or to anyone. In this case, you will have to–on your own–deal with what scares you about this. Which is a whole ‘nother column altogether.
Need some advice? Shoot us an email: firstname.lastname@example.org